Hook: When Every Meeting Feels Like Running a Marathon
Have you ever felt like every chat, every stand‑up, every brainstorming session zaps your energy? That was me: an IT manager juggling project deadlines, code reviews, and endless team check‑ins until I hit a wall. I’d always prided myself on my hyper focus, but the constant back‑and‑forth of digital and in‑person interactions triggered relentless overstimulation. What I didn’t expect was the toll of social fatigue, a creeping exhaustion that left me burnt out and questioning my place in a team full of neurotypical colleagues.
My First Burnout: More Than Just Long Hours
It started innocently enough. I’d read about AuDHD and recognized a few AuDHD symptoms I’d hyperfocus on tickets for hours, then oscillate into impulsive late‑night debugging marathons. My co‑workers teased me for disappearing into “the abyss” of code, but I laughed it off. What I didn’t see was how these traits, when co‑occurring with an intense workload, became a recipe for meltdown.
By week three of our sprint, I was showing up to every meeting, offering solutions, asking questions yet inside, I felt hollow. The more I pushed, the worse my impulsivity became. Suddenly I’d send a Slack ping at 2 AM because I couldn’t stop thinking about a bug. My wife joked, “Isn’t that the neurotype’s badge of honor?” But my adrenaline crashes left me irritable and apologetic.
When “Friendly Chats” Aren’t So Friendly
One Tuesday afternoon, after back‑to‑back touchpoints with product, design, and QA, I remember staring at the calendar. Five more meetings that day. My heart raced. My head throbbed. I wanted to run. Instead, I forced a smile and entered the conference room, eager to mask my draining energy.
I tried to articulate that I felt “off,” but could only muster, “Let’s circle back later.” My team, full of bright, extroverted stars, didn’t bat an eye they moved on to the next bullet point. In that moment, I realized: while they refueled on social interaction, I was crashing. This wasn’t burnout from too much coding; it was social fatigue from too much connecting.
Recognizing the Signs: Beyond “I’m Just Tired”
After crashing in bed for three straight days, I googled social fatigue and discovered it wasn’t just “being introverted.” It can affect anyone when the demands of socializing outstrip your mental reserves. Some hallmark signs:
- Physical exhaustion after meetings (even if you weren’t “doing” anything).
- Sudden irritability or snapping at colleagues.
- Difficulty concentrating on tasks immediately after interactions.
- Avoidance or anxiety leading up to calls or lunches.
I realized these weren’t just me being “moody” they were clues that my wiring, my neurotype, needed different care.
Tools of the Trade: Coping Strategies That Actually Work
Transitioning out of that burnout crater wasn’t instant, but I found strategies that helped me rebuild resilience:
- Scheduled “No‑Meeting” Blocks
I carved out 90‑minute focus sessions twice a day. This gave my overstimulated brain breathing room no chitchat, just keyboard clicks. - Micro‑Breaks for Recharge
Five‑minute strolls around the office parking lot felt silly at first, but those pauses between interactions prevented that mounting tension. - Transparent Communication
I told my team, “I’m prone to social fatigue if I’m quiet after a meeting, it’s not personal.” They responded with support, not judgment. - Boundary‑Setting Phrases
Phrases like, “Can we follow up over email?” or “Let’s pause this until my brain’s had a moment” became lifesavers. - Peer Support
I connected with a colleague who also had AuDHD. Sharing experiences helped me feel less alone in a neurotypical‑dominated environment.
The Turning Point: Embracing My Unique Strengths
Gradually, I learned that my intense focus and bursts of creativity traits often celebrated in tech were double‑edged swords. Recognizing my AuDHD symptoms wasn’t a weakness; it was a guide to working smarter. When I leaned into my natural hyper focus for deep dives, then scheduled deliberate downtime, productivity soared without the emotional hangover.
I began to mentor junior devs on not just coding best practices, but energy management, too. Watching them thrive reminded me why I joined IT in the first place: the joy of solving problems, not the stress of endless Zoom marathons.
Conclusion: Crafting a Sustainable Career in IT
If you’re nodding along whether you’re neurotypical, AuDHD, or somewhere in between know that social fatigue is real, and managing it is part of your professional toolkit. Start by tuning into your own energy patterns, be transparent with your team, and don’t shy away from setting boundaries. Your career and your sanity will thank you.
Next Steps & Encouragement
- Identify your “social fuel” and “social drain” moments this week.
- Try one of the coping strategies above and tweak it to fit your rhythm.
- Share your experience with a trusted colleague or mentor.
Remember: thriving in IT isn’t about pushing yourself to the brink. It’s about playing to your strengths, acknowledging your limits, and designing a work life that energizes you socially and technically. You’ve got this.
